It really bothers me when someone doesn’t like me. At my age shouldn’t I be over this? What difference does it make if some person doesn’t like me? Someone who doesn’t know me. Hasn’t taken the time to really find a reason to dislike me. This is one thing I would change about myself. I wish I could not care. That it didn’t make me feel yucky. I guess its something I’m going to have to live with.
There are many types of people in the world. Some we mesh with immediately. Some rub us the wrong way in the outset. Others grow on us. Chances are we can learn from them. Even if it’s something we don’t like.
One of these types is, what I call, intuitive. I fit into this group. At one time, I believe this was such a gift. I could sense what other people were feeling. It was as if I had something extra.
As I gotten older though, my extra sense has almost turned into a paranoia. I see possible shadows where there aren’t any.
When did it change? Was my original assessment wrong? I worry now if someone is a distracted or different than their norm that something is wrong or that they are upset with me. Time is spent telling myself that I don’t have power enough to affect every person, every day. I’m not that important. I’m not a narcissist. I know it’s weird. My super special power has turned into a debilitating neurosis.
Trouble is, other than trying myself that I’m being silly or when it gets really bad, I ask a friend if they notice whatever I think I’m sensing. Don’t get me wrong, I still pick up on things. But more and more it seems to be a worry bringer.
I work in a environment with a large group of women. If you have ever worked with a bunch of women then you know what it can be like.
Maybe it’s the environment that is making it worse.
I don’t have an answer. I find that I’m talking myself out of thoughts more and more. Questioning myself.
I don’t know that I have anything to offer in those types of people. I’m nice and try to be positive and helpful. I’m usually happy, even when I’m in an actual episode. I suspect my personality would be trying to other people. I don’t let my inner thoughts out to anyone.
Is that a sign of true insanity?